I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
