Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
