So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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