She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
