Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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