This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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