I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
