I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
