Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All I want is dick and wine.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
