I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
