I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
