the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
