yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
