piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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