Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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