My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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