I forgot how hot balto sounded
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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