I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
