wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize