Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm like, not good at living.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
