Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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