just come out here and I will go home with you...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
