the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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