...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
