We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize