you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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