youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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