apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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