so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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