you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize