i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
