I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
