so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
