don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
