So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize