beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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