I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
