I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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