and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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