Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
