On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was CRYING into my vagina
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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