then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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