If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
