Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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