He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
