they need to just BURY HIM!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
