How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I forget how to act sober
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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