Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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