i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
