Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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