And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
