There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My life is pants optional.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize