My nipple is on Facebook.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
