im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
