it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
