Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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