So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
