No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
