The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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