I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
