and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
