You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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