It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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