If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
