cat food counts as protein by the way
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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