there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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