i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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