he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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