11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
