and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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